Zack and Cody walk over to the reception counter and ding on the bell as the man turns away. As he turns to look Zack and Cody crouch down under the counter. As they move back into the main lobby London is entering with a series of treasuries.
LONDON
It's me! Not you, Back from Peru.
MADDIE
What? Did you buy all of South America?
LONDON
No, silly! Just the shiny stuff.
She chucks her bags over to a passer as a cart arrives. She takes off a box to reveal a pyramid of gold.
ZACK
Whoa! Is that real gold?
As Zack reaches out to feel it Cody slaps him down.
CODY
Don't touch! This looks like a genuine pre-columbian artifact from a prehistoric American civilization. I would say it dated circa three-thousand thousand BC.
He and Maddie nod at each other while Zack and London stare at them in confusion.
CODY
(slowly) It's really old.
LONDON
Oh! (unwraps scarf) And I got this pretty necklace to!
ZACK
Is that a real emerald?
As he reaches out to touch it London slaps him.
ZACK
What is this? Slap Zack day!
Maddie ushers London away.
MADDIE
London. You can't just steal another countries cultural artifacts.
LONDON
Daddy didn't steal them! He bought them from a guy named Dakota Smith. He delivered them in the middle of the night then we left really really fast on the jet I barely made it up the steps!
MADDIE
(sarcastically) Well as long as they weren't stolen!
LONDON
And now Daddy's going to display all the treasures of the pyramid right here at the Tipton!
Esteban enters the lobby from the elevator as a tomb is opened to reveal a mummy.
LONDON
And may I present the main attraction ... Queen Qui Qui of Qum Qum.
ESTEBAN
Argh! The curse of the mummy!
Screaming he jumps down onto the main lobby lounge.
ZACK
What curse?
ESTEBAN
The curse of Queen Qui Qui! Anyone who disturbs her rest ... shall be doomed forever.
MADDIE
Wait. How do you know so much about this?
ESTEBAN
(scamming around) Oh. (ushers everyone in) My village lies in the shadow of Queen Qui Qui's pyramid.
LONDON
But it looked like no one had been there for a thousand years.
ESTEBAN
Because ... as I may have mentioned before ... it's cursed! Only a complete idiot would look there.
They all stare at London.
LONDON
Hi!
ESTEBAN
The only thing worse than disturbing Queen Qui Qui's rest is if someone stole her precious emerald. (he sees that London is also wearing the necklace around her neck) Argh! The curse of the necklace!
He runs off screaming.
ZACK
Boy they got a lot of curses.
***
COLE SPROUSE
DYLAN SPROUSE
BRENDA SONG
ASHLEY TISDALE
with PHIL LEWIS
and KIM RHODES
"THE SUITE LIFE OF ZACK & CODY"
***
In the exhibition room Mr. Moseby is walking along with Dakota as some people overview the mummy.
MOSEBY
Don't you worry Mr. Smith.
DAKOTA
Call me Dakota.
MOSEBY
(joking) Oh. North or South?
DAKOTA
(stern look) Just ... "Dakota"
MOSEBY
OK ...
DAKOTA
Want a signed picture of me fighting off a rampaging rhino with a squawk?
MOSEBY
Maybe later. Although I will be away at a wedding this weekend I assure you your exhibit will be completely safe. I have put my best man in charge. (calling) Skippy!
Skippy comes running over and bumps into a woman carrying a vase as part of the exhibit. Mr. Moseby catches it as she falls back in reflex.
MOSEBY
Oh .. my.
SKIPPY
Yes sir?
DAKOTA
This is your best man?
MOSEBY
Actually ... my best man is getting married ... my second best man is out sick and my third best man is the best man at my first best man's wedding. So technically he's my fourth best man.
SKIPPY
Oh chucks. I'm flattered!
Skippy pats Mr. Moseby on the back and the vase flies into Dakota's hands.
DAKOTA
Perhaps I should keep our most valuable item locked in my room.
SKIPPY
I would.
DAKOTA
(to workers) Take the queen. (to Moseby and Skippy) Speaking of which ... (hands them a hat) here. Have a Queen Qui Qui hat.
SKIPPY
(putting it on) Cool.
Mr. Moseby slowly puts his on; a little embarrassed.
MOSEBY
... Thank you. It'll go with my I'm with Stupid t-shirt. (Dakota walks off) Which I should be wearing right now! (takes off hat and chucks in Skippy's hands) While I am away I want nothing to happen to this exhibit. And by nothing I mean keep Zack and Cody out.
SKIPPY
Don't worry sir. They won't get by me. I am an impenetrable wall.
Skippy turns opposite from Mr. Moseby to face the door as Zack and Cody enter past him much to Moseby's dislike.
ZACK
Hey Skippy!
CODY
Yow Skips!
SKIPPY
Hey guys! Oh ... aren't they the cutest kids.
ZACK
Show me the mummy!
MOSEBY
(ushering them out) I will show you the door. Now consider this your first and last warning. You are not allowed in this room EVER.
ZACK
But we just want to take a peek at the mummy!
MOSEBY
There will be no mummy peeking in this room.
DAKOTA
That's right. Because it's going to be in Dakota Smith's room. (Moseby growls) Oh ... I guess I shouldn't of told them that huh.
MOSEBY
(in sarcasm) You think?
***
London makes her way into the hotel lobby after being ambushed by a group of protestors outside.
PROTESTORS (V/O)
Send the mummy home! Send the mummy home! Send the mummy home!
LONDON
Hey lady! If you want to protest something ... you should protest that outfit. It's hideous!
Esteban runs over wearing a hat covered in garlic.
ESTEBAN
Oh Miss London ... Queen Qui Qui must go home ... or she will punish us all.
LONDON
Esteban stop being ridiculous. And take off that silly hat!
ESTEBAN
This ... is my hat of protection! The garlic keeps away the dead.
LONDON
It does a good job of the living to! (she walks down to the main lobby with Maddie as she passes) Poor Maddie! The protestors trembled you to. Look at what they did to your hair!
MADDIE
They didn't touch my hair.
LONDON
Oh. Never mind ...
MADDIE
Anyway. I completely agree with them. Queen Qui Qui must go home!
ESTEBAN
Oh Maddie! You to believe that this wrong should be righted!
MADDIE
Yes. I just spoke with the ambassador from Qum Qum outside ... and he is very upset!
ESTEBAN
Pepe's out there?
MADDIE
He's the one in the garlic pants.
ESTEBAN
He's owes me ten dollars!
Esteban runs outside.
MADDIE
London everything should go back to Qum Qum including that necklace. It's a priceless cultural artifact ... a precious (???) of a once great civilization.
LONDON
Oh ... but it goes great with my new boots.
London walks off - passing Carey and the twins on her way.
CODY
It's just not fair!
ZACK
Moseby won't let us in to see them set up the exhibit because he's afraid we'll "break something".
CAREY
Well ... you did break the chandelier in the ballroom and the vent in the lounge - that statue in the atrium and ...
ZACK
What's your point?
CAREY
Boys ... once the exhibit is open you can go see it just like everybody else.
CODY
It costs $32.50 per person.
CAREY
Or you can read all about it in the newspapers.
***
Maddie enters the basement carrying with her a black bag. She goes back and drags in Esteban.
MADDIE
Esteban get in here!
ESTEBAN
But I'm afraid to see the mummy!
MADDIE
Oh! The mummy isn't down here. (takes out dolly from bag) Now ... open your eyes.
Opening his eyes Esteban backs off with a scream at the sight of the doll.
MADDIE [CONT'D]
Will you relax! It's just my old dolly Holly.
ESTEBAN
Well they should've called her Scary Mary. OK ... so how is Holly the Dolly going to help us get the mummy back home?
MADDIE
We just have to wrap her up in this - (flips out toilet paper) put her in a crate to get her by Skippy ... then switch her with the real mummy which we'll bring down here and deliver to ambassador Pepe. He's going back to Qum Qum for the Iguana festival.
ESTEBAN
He is? Oh I can't believe I'm going to miss it again! I love the running of the Iguanas!
MADDIE
The running of the Iguanas?
ESTEBAN
We use to have the running of the chameleons ... but no one could ever see them.
MADDIE
Can we focus here!
Maddie lays the doll down against a crate as Esteban unwraps the toilet paper.
ESTEBAN
Alright! We must return Queen Qui Qui back home before we are cursed.
MADDIE
By the way ... what exactly does this curse do to you?
ESTEBAN
Well ... lets just say that you spend your life in agonizing toil and poverty.
MADDIE
I got that now.
ESTEBAN
Your skin melts off your eyes explode and your hair bursts into flames.
MADDIE
Ewgh! Oh ... that would so put a damper on prom ... Hurry up!
***
Upstairs Zack and Cody enter Dakota Smith's hotel room.
CODY
Zack ... I don't know.
ZACK
Don't worry. Dakota's downstairs dusting his pyramid. Come on.
CODY
How did you get that pass key?
ZACK
I just asked Skippy for his. He'll give you anything if you ask for it I even got his wallet.
CODY
There she is!
Zack and Cody run over to the mummy which is lying on a portable bed near the balcony doors.
ZACK
Whoa! That is so cool. Nice to meet you Queen Qui Qui. (he touches the mummy; Cody slaps his hand away)
CODY
Don't touch! She might fall to pieces.
ZACK
Well I do have that effect on women.
CODY
Yeah ... when you're not wearing deodorant.
ZACK
Well yeah if you're such a ladies man why don't you go give her a kiss!
Zack pushes Cody towards the mummy; Cody pushes him back.
CODY
Hey! Quit pushing.
ZACK
Why? Are you going to cry!
With greater force this time Zack pushes Cody against the mummy which pushes the bed out through the open doors to the balcony and sends the mummy flying off the balcony. Carey is sipping on a coffee as the mummy flies past her room.
CODY
Lucky for us she landed on that (???).
ZACK
Oh!
The two push the sarcophagus back into the room.
ZACK
Let's go!
As they run for the door Zack steps out first and sees Dakota standing outside talking to some of his fans.
ZACK
Argh! It's Dakota!
CODY
Hide!
Zack pushes a chair under the door knob as Cody rushes up to the sarcophagus in panic. Zack has found a roll of gauze in Dakota's bag on the chair.
CODY
What are we going to do?
ZACK
Don't worry. I've got a plan.
CODY
(sees gauze) No!
ZACK
You don't even know what I'm thinking!
CODY
You're thinking you'll wrap me up in that gauze then put me in the sarcophagus while you go get the real mummy then switch us out later.
ZACK
OK ... so you do know what I'm thinking. But I mean the both of us thought of it. It can't be that bad of a plan.
CODY
Yes it can! It can be a terrible plan. It can be the worst plan in the history of plans.
ZACK
OK then think of another plan. And while you thinking -- hold this.
CODY
...Argh...
Zack starts to wrap the gauze roll around Cody. Outside Dakota is struggling to open the door.
DAKOTA
Stupid key! Where's that housekeeper?
Back in the room Cody is now covered in gauze.
CODY
Not so tight I can barely move!
ZACK
You're dead. You're not supposed to move... now move!
Zack pushes Cody towards the sarcophagus.
CODY
Zack ... I have a bad feeling about this.
ZACK
Come on - what could go wrong!
CODY
I have to go potty!
ZACK
(speaking calmly) I'll be right back. There's nothing to worry about. Now get in the coffin.
Cody lies himself down in the coffin as Zack pulls away the chair from under the doorknob. Checking to make sure Cody has made his way Zack hides behind the couch as Dakota and the housekeeper enter. Dakota comes flying in the room.
DAKOTA
... Never mind. OK let's get this mummy down to the exhibit.
As the workers go for the mummy Dakota tries to impress the housekeeper.
DAKOTA
So. Want a signed picture of me putting a giraffe in a headlock?
The housekeeper shakes her head as the mummy is pushed out of the room. Dakota and the housekeeper soon follow. Zack peers up from the couch to make sure the coast is clear.
ZACK
Great! Now I have to pay $32.50 just to see my brother!
***
Zack is in the lobby pulling along with him an object covered in a large cloth. As he presses the elevator London steps out.
ZACK
There you are!
LONDON
Oh! (sing-song voice) What you doing...
ZACK
Look ... Cody is posing as the mummy and I need to go switch him with the real one.
LONDON
Where's the real one?
Zack taps the box and the mummy's hand flies out. London screams so Zack puts the hand over her mouth to prevent to much attention.
ZACK
I just need your help getting past Skippy.
LONDON
Oh that'll be easy. That guy is D-U-M-M. Dum! (giggles)
ZACK
Yeah ... but Moseby gave him specific instructions not to let me or Cody into the ballroom.
LONDON
Oh ... so you need someone who has more power than Moseby!
Zack nods.
ZACK
Yeah.
LONDON
Who are you going to ask?
***
In the ballroom where the exhibit is on display Cody is lying in the sarcophagus.
CODY
Take on down ... pass it around ... one bottle of pop on the wall. Where the heck is Zack! (yawns) I am so ready for bed. Although ... this is pretty darn cosy. I could see sleeping in here for a couple of thousand years. (yawns and snores)
Outside Skippy is guarding the entrance to the exhibit as Maddie and Esteban walk over to him pushing with them a covered bed.
SKIPPY
Oh hey Maddie. Hey Esteban!
MADDIE / ESTEBAN
(anxious) Hey ... Skippy.
SKIPPY
I can't let you in. You might be the twins... in disguise.
MADDIE
Or we might be Maddie and Esteban delivering an artifact that was left in the basement.
SKIPPY
Oh ... argh ... what is it?
MADDIE
It's a ...
ESTEBAN
Earring!
Maddie ushers Skippy away slightly as Esteban begins to push the bed in.
MADDIE
It was the era of big ears ... it was right after big noses and just before ... big feet!
Maddie follows in after Esteban.
SKIPPY
Well OK ... but I have to come with you!
MADDIE
No you can't!
SKIPPY
Why not?
ESTEBAN
Because! There's ... an emergency we forgot to tell you about.
SKIPPY
What is it?
ESTEBAN
Tell him Maddie.
MADDIE
(lost for words) The ... protestors ... are tunneling under the ballroom as we speak ... to ... steal the exhibit!
SKIPPY
Well what do I do?
ESTEBAN
You need to go to the ... kitchen ... and ... get all the pudding you can carry!
SKIPPY
Well ... why?
MADDIE
Yes. Why?
ESTEBAN
So the protestors can't escape out of their hole.
SKIPPY
That makes sense.
MADDIE
It does? I mean ... sure it does! OK go! (Skippy runs out) OK let's make the switch.
ESTEBAN
The sooner the better. My garlic is loosing it's potency.
MADDIE
No it's not.
Hurriedly the two prepare for the switch. Maddie is holding Holly the Dolly as Esteban places the real mummy (Cody) on the bed.
MADDIE
Hurry up!
ESTEBAN
OK OK.
Cody - who they think is really Queen Qui Qui - snores.
ESTEBAN
Do you hear snoring?
MADDIE
No! Now come on.
Esteban chucks the cover over the mummy as they make their way out. Skippy comes running in shortly after they leave.
SKIPPY
We're out of pudding but we've got a whole mass of coleslaw!
London runs in.
LONDON
Hey Skippy! I need you to do me a big favor.
SKIPPY
Well we're all out of pudding.
LONDON
And that's what I want! Now go buy some!
SKIPPY
But ... (runs to position at entrance to ballroom) I'm supposed to be standing guard.
LONDON
Do you know what happened to the last Tipton employee that refused to help me - London 'Tipton'!
SKIPPY
No.
LONDON
Let's just say ... all that was left of him was his name tag ... and a tiny pile of pudding.
SKIPPY
OK ... I'll get your pudding faster than you can say butterscotch! (runs out but then runs back in) But say it real slow!
He runs back out.
LONDON
Bu ... tter ... sco ... (Zack enters hailing with him the cart with the mummy)
ZACK
Can we just go in now?
LONDON
tch! Come on!
ZACK
We're here for you Cody. Probably can't hear us through all the gauze.
LONDON
Help me carry Cody!
London reaches for Cody - who is really Maddie's doll - and she pulls with all her might but the doll goes flying.
LONDON (CONT'D)
Whoa. Lighter than I thought!
Zack hands London the real mummy and she puts it in the sarcophagus.
ZACK
Sorry buddy. (he picks up the doll) Whoa. That's odd.
London unwraps the gauze and screams in shock when she sees what is inside.
LONDON
(screams)
ZACK
That's not Cody!
LONDON
It's the curse of the mummy! It turned Cody into a giant doll! With one eye and really bad split ends!
***
Tipton Basement - Maddie and Esteban wheel the Mummy out of the elevator.
MADDIE
He'll unload the Queen on a truck, and in a few hours, she'll be on a plane heading back to Qum Qum.
ESTEBAN
Oh no. You cannot get their by plane. From the doc, we have to take a train, a bus, and a number five donkey.
MADDIE
Just watch the Mummy! I'll go wait for Ambassador Pepe.
Maddie walks out.
ESTEBAN
OK. (pause - turning to the Mummy) Don't worry your highness. Soon you'll be back with your dead and decaying friends.
A yawn is heard from where the Mummy is lying under the blanket.
ESTEBAN [CONT'D]
Did you say something, Mummy?
Another yawn is heard, and this time the arm reaches up from beneath the blanket, stretching.
ESTEBAN [CONT'D]
(scared; shaking) Maddie!
MADDIE
(entering) What is it?
ESTEBAN
Mummy!
MADDIE
Yes, it's a Mummy, what's wrong?
ESTEBAN
It's Alive!
MADDIE
(approaches Mummy) No, it is not. It's dead. See - (as she bangs on the Mummy) Dead, dead, dead.
Maddie exits, while Esteban wearily approaches the Mummy again.
ESTEBAN
(unconvinced; banging down on the Mummy) Right...dead, dead, dead!
Esteban goes to back away, but when no further noise from the Mummy is heard, he breathes in, relieved...until a grunt is heard from the Mummy. The Mummy's hand rests on Esteban's shoulder, who flicks it off with much reluctance.
ESTEBAN [CONT'D]
(calling out) Maddie!
MADDIE
(running in) What is it now?
ESTEBAN
The Mummy's moving!
MADDIE
Oh, don't be ridiculous!
Maddie stands in front of the Mummy, and she is tapped on by its hand.
MADDIE
(unaware) Just a sec. For the last time, Mummy's do not come back to life! (the Mummy taps her again) I said, just a second!
But as the Mummy sits up, Maddie comes to realize...
MADDIE
Run!
She screams, as she and Esteban run out, the Mummy chasing after them.
***
The Tipton Lobby. London walks in through the ballroom, followed by Cody, who is carrying the doll.
CODY
What sort of a curse turns someone into a doll?
LONDON
The Mummy-dolly cursey thingey!
CODY
Oh yeah, that's real scary. Oh no, here comes the Mummy dolly! She's going to make me play tea-party of doom!
Carey walks over.
LONDON
Then how do you explain the hideous thing that happened to Cody?
CAREY
You know, as a mother, there's a few things I don't want to hear. And one of them is, "explain this hideous thing that happened to Cody"?
LONDON
It's simple. (takes the doll from Zack) He's been cursed. And now he's a dolly-mummy. But deep down, he's still your son.
London hands the doll to a confused Carey, and Carey turns to Zack.
CAREY
The real story is?
ZACK
Well, you wouldn't pay for us to see the real Mummy, so we snuck in to see it. But Cody made it fall out the window, so I wrapped him up in gauze and some men took him away.
CAREY
(turning to London) I like your story better.
LONDON
Yay my story! (claps excitedly)
CAREY
OK, guys, I want to know what's really going on, and I don't want to hear anything about a curse, there's no such thing as curses.
Esteban and Maddie come running hysterically into the Lobby, screaming, as they join Carey, London and Zack.
ESTEBAN
Run! It's the curse of Queen Qui Qui!
CAREY
Maddie? Now don't tell me you believe in this nonsense too.
MADDIE
No! I believe in that nonsense!
Maddie points over at the entrance, where the Mummy is walking over, making grunts.
ZACK
Oh, it's ...
ESTEBAN
Mad! (grasping Cody) I'll protect you.
The Mummy makes its way down towards the Reception desk, where the employee ducks down under the counter at the sight of the Mummy.
HOTEL GUEST
What are you doing? I said my room is out of toilet paper!
As the Mummy comes closer, the Hotel Guest takes some toilet paper from it.
HOTEL GUEST
Thank you. (walks off)
The Mummy goes on to near Zack, Maddie, Esteban, Carey and London. Esteban is still squeezing at Zack, when Maddie reaches for his hat.
MADDIE
Give me that hat!
ESTEBAN
Argh!
Releases Zack as he grabs an end of the hat.
ZACK
It won't hurt you!
MADDIE
Not if I have the hat!
Through the tug of war, the hat goes flying and Maddie falls back into Carey's hands. Zack is unwrapping the Mummy.
ESTEBAN
No! Don't unwrap it. Who knows what it looks like after thousands of years!
Zack finishes unwrapping the face to reveal Cody underneath.
ESTEBAN [CONT'D]
Argh! It's hideous.
Carey ushers Cody over to a seat. Zack and the rest follow behind.
CAREY
Come here honey, are you OK?
CODY
Swell...but just a little dizzy.
ZACK
Welcome back, buddy!
CODY
Welcome back? You left me wrapped up for hours, where have you been? I thought you were coming right back to get me.
ZACK
Well we did, but the Mummy was just a doll wrapped in gauze, it was a total fake!
Dakota joins them.
DAKOTA
How did you find out the Mummy was a fake?
MADDIE
It's a fake?
DAKOTA
...No...
LONDON
Liar, liar, cargo pants on fire! (hands necklace to Maddie) This necklace is probably plastic, here Maddy. You can have it.
DAKOTA
Actually, the necklace is real emerald.
LONDON
(taking back necklace) Thanks for holding it for me Maddie.
CAREY
If the artifacts were real, why would you want to have a fake Mummy?
DAKOTA
Because I couldn't find the real one! I spent eight years in the jungle, living on beetles and bats blood! ...I found all these beautiful treasures, but nobody cares about them if I don't have some stupid Mummy. (whiny voice) It's all about the Mummy. Mummy, Mummy, Mummy!
CAREY
I think he has Mummy issues.
ZACK
Wait, so let me get this straight. I risked my life climbing out on an oning to get a fake Mummy?
CAREY
You climbed out on an oning?
ZACK
...No...
DAKOTA
Well now the whole exhibit is ruined.
MADDIE
Well that's what you get for trying to make money off another culture's treasures!
DAKOTA
It wasn't about the money!
ESTEBAN
You were selling Queen Qui Qui bobble heads!
DAKOTA
Kids love 'em.
MADDIE
OK, there's a truck waiting outside. All in favor of returning Queen Qui Qui's treasures to her pyramid, raise your hands.
All but London and Dakota raise their hands. Maddie gives London a look, and despite a sigh, she eventually raises her hand.
CAREY
Good. Now let's get Cody unwrapped, 'cause he probably really has to go.
Maddie and Zack help Carey get Cody up.
CODY
No, not anymore. This gauze is really absorbent!
Everyone but Carey back away at this remark.
***
Tipton Ballroom. Skippy is standing at the entrance, a long line of visitors before him. Mr Moseby approaches.
SKIPPY
Hey, Mr Moseby! Welcome back. How was your friends wedding?
MOSEBY
Great. They loved all the pudding I bought.
SKIPPY
Well, that explains so much.
MOSEBY
So, how did things go during my absence?
SKIPPY
Great. Excellent. No problem whatsoever.
MOSEBY
Really?
SKIPPY
(kneeling before Moseby) Oh, OK! You broke me down. Oh, I'm in powerful trouble. The Mummy was a fake!
MOSEBY
Than what are all these people in line to see?
SKIPPY
(stands) Mr Tipton's greatest treasure.
Moseby walks into the ballroom to see a line of people walking through and looking at London - who is sat down on a seat.
LONDON
Hi, bye! Hi, bye! (a woman reaches at London) Don't touch me. I'm priceless! Hi, bye! Hi, bye! Hi, bye! Hi, buh-bye! Hi, buh-bye! Hi, buh-bye!
The Suite Life of Zack and Cody © Disney
No infringement intended.
